OOC comments for The Moonlight Shadows
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- Lord||Lady
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OOC comments for The Moonlight Shadows
Ok, feel free to make your comments, suggestions etc.
[url=http://www.eilistraee.com//forums/viewt ... 9:2yjufueo][color=blue:2yjufueo]Here's the link to the draft story[/size:2yjufueo] [/color:2yjufueo][/url:2yjufueo]
First off the title is only a working one, I will probably change it later. No doubt there are still typo's and grammatical errors in the story which will be dealt with in the first major edit of the draft.
Do please note though that this is entirely in first draft form and I will most definately be revising the entire story once I've finished it. Also to add that this will be a LONG story and I am building towards the action, albiet slowly.
I envisage that this story will most likely be a trilogy but wihout divulging the major plot points, I can't tell you what is going to happen over the arc of the story
[url=http://www.eilistraee.com//forums/viewt ... 9:2yjufueo][color=blue:2yjufueo]Here's the link to the draft story[/size:2yjufueo] [/color:2yjufueo][/url:2yjufueo]
First off the title is only a working one, I will probably change it later. No doubt there are still typo's and grammatical errors in the story which will be dealt with in the first major edit of the draft.
Do please note though that this is entirely in first draft form and I will most definately be revising the entire story once I've finished it. Also to add that this will be a LONG story and I am building towards the action, albiet slowly.
I envisage that this story will most likely be a trilogy but wihout divulging the major plot points, I can't tell you what is going to happen over the arc of the story
In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill.
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- Regular
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- Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2007 1:28 am
Well, it's looking good so far
First criticism coming to mind though is that you could use some blank lines between paragraphs to make everything a bit easier to read. Some sections are really looking like a wall of text, and finding where you left off after scrolling down a bit degrades the immersion factor.
So yeah... Blank line between paragraphs ^^;
First criticism coming to mind though is that you could use some blank lines between paragraphs to make everything a bit easier to read. Some sections are really looking like a wall of text, and finding where you left off after scrolling down a bit degrades the immersion factor.
So yeah... Blank line between paragraphs ^^;
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- Lord||Lady
- Posts: 1480
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:27 pm
- Location: Western Australia
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Thank you for the feedback
It's appreciated.
I will be re-writing a fair bit of the last two posts/installments of the story as on reflection, I fell it it doesn't flow well enough for my liking and I've deviated a bit rom my original idea. That being, maintaining the mystery of why the soldiers have been transported over to the fantasy world. Having Eilistraee take possession of Mayumi to spur the soldiers into defiending her faithful is one thing but then her delivering all this exposition is unnecessary IMO. It's also poor writing as well
The new version will be better!
It's appreciated.
I will be re-writing a fair bit of the last two posts/installments of the story as on reflection, I fell it it doesn't flow well enough for my liking and I've deviated a bit rom my original idea. That being, maintaining the mystery of why the soldiers have been transported over to the fantasy world. Having Eilistraee take possession of Mayumi to spur the soldiers into defiending her faithful is one thing but then her delivering all this exposition is unnecessary IMO. It's also poor writing as well
The new version will be better!
In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill.
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- Resident
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- Lord||Lady
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Thanks Thalon, I'm glad you are enjoying it as much as I am writing it
I've haven't had much chance to write recently, which is annoying me as I know that in order to be a writer, you must write everyday.
I will make time to get the story moving once more.
I've haven't had much chance to write recently, which is annoying me as I know that in order to be a writer, you must write everyday.
I will make time to get the story moving once more.
In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill.
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- Lord||Lady
- Posts: 1480
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:27 pm
- Location: Western Australia
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Wow
thanks Rooky. I really appreciate your feedback.
Indeed the opening needs to be re-worked. It's a matter of finding the right balance between introducing the characters and setting while at the same time keeping up a level of interest with drama.
I'm going to re-write some of the main characters as well.
thanks Rooky. I really appreciate your feedback.
Indeed the opening needs to be re-worked. It's a matter of finding the right balance between introducing the characters and setting while at the same time keeping up a level of interest with drama.
I'm going to re-write some of the main characters as well.
In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill.
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- Lord||Lady
- Posts: 1480
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:27 pm
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Ok,
I'm considering a complete redraft of the story as it stands.
I've already been making notes on the story, characters etc and can see where things can definately been improved, tightened up and made more enjoyable and entertaining.
I'm contemplating ceasing writing the story as it is now and beginning the redraft. However I'm thinking that I should at least get the first draft completed before I begin the overhaul.
In any case, the story will continue, in one form or another
I'm considering a complete redraft of the story as it stands.
I've already been making notes on the story, characters etc and can see where things can definately been improved, tightened up and made more enjoyable and entertaining.
I'm contemplating ceasing writing the story as it is now and beginning the redraft. However I'm thinking that I should at least get the first draft completed before I begin the overhaul.
In any case, the story will continue, in one form or another
In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill.
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- Regular
- Posts: 374
- Joined: Sat Jul 18, 2009 3:31 am
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- Lord||Lady
- Posts: 1480
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:27 pm
- Location: Western Australia
- Contact:
-
- Regular
- Posts: 374
- Joined: Sat Jul 18, 2009 3:31 am