<Probably a real situation not for underage viewers.>
A girl in a club goes to the toilet. She's followed by two others. The two start talking while the first one is inside a cabin:
-Ok. There was this guy that's been staring at me for about an hour the other night. So I came up to him and asked him if he would at least buy me a drink since he hasn't the guts to talk to me. So he says that first we should dance. So I say ok, why not. We've danced for about a quarter, so I say to him that I'm thirsty and how about that drink he promised. He replied we should go for a walk. Why the hell not? We go out and walk for another quarter or so, there's no one on the street. I ask him for that drink because I was getting cold. He said first I should give him a blowjob. So I'm doing it. He came, not much of what he had in himself. Then I get from my knees and ask him about that drink. And now what?
-What?
-He says to me 'beat it bitch'.
-No!
-Yeah! You know how I felt at that moment?
The Joke Thread
Moderators: Shir'le E. Illios, Bhaern Quel
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Talwyn Aureliano
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- Contact:
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Alaric Darkrose
- Regular
- Posts: 269
- Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2008 6:26 pm
- Location: Hiding on Istvaan IV
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Talwyn Aureliano
- Lord||Lady
- Posts: 1480
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:27 pm
- Location: Western Australia
- Contact:
Peace And Quiet
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly.
"Is everything okay, pal?", the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month!".
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?"
"Yeah. But today is the last day".
New Secretary
The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and polite.
One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, "Oh sir, did you know that your barracks door was open." He did not understand her remark, but later on happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.
He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?"
The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!"
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly.
"Is everything okay, pal?", the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month!".
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?"
"Yeah. But today is the last day".
New Secretary
The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and polite.
One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, "Oh sir, did you know that your barracks door was open." He did not understand her remark, but later on happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.
He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?"
The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!"
In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill.
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Talwyn Aureliano
- Lord||Lady
- Posts: 1480
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:27 pm
- Location: Western Australia
- Contact:
[i:9gk8xygx][color=red:9gk8xygx]The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone just she and I
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow...[/color:9gk8xygx][/i:9gk8xygx]
The moon was high
All alone just she and I
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow...[/color:9gk8xygx][/i:9gk8xygx]
In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill.
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Talwyn Aureliano
- Lord||Lady
- Posts: 1480
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:27 pm
- Location: Western Australia
- Contact:
[b:22whahy6]Council and housing association complaints[/b:22whahy6]
[i:22whahy6]The following are real extracts from actual complaint letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK. What a literate bunch the Brits truly are![/i:22whahy6]
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage, and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up, and its now getting too much for me.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can`t get BBC2.
My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it, and he`s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
... that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
[i:22whahy6]The following are real extracts from actual complaint letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK. What a literate bunch the Brits truly are![/i:22whahy6]
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage, and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up, and its now getting too much for me.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can`t get BBC2.
My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it, and he`s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
... that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill.
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Talwyn Aureliano
- Lord||Lady
- Posts: 1480
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:27 pm
- Location: Western Australia
- Contact:
The Rules[/size:a2l1a3sn]
In a matriarchal society that the drow operate, I thought these might be appropriate
1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
16. If the Female is feeling off, then all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.
17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.
In a matriarchal society that the drow operate, I thought these might be appropriate
1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
16. If the Female is feeling off, then all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.
17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.
In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill.
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Talwyn Aureliano
- Lord||Lady
- Posts: 1480
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:27 pm
- Location: Western Australia
- Contact:
last one for today...
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass onto the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this. I've got to go & fuck the cat."
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass onto the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this. I've got to go & fuck the cat."
In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill.
Forget it.
The rules kinda remind me of playing THE GAME:
[img:1mn3xxfr]http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o260 ... hegame.jpg[/img:1mn3xxfr]
The rules kinda remind me of playing THE GAME:
[img:1mn3xxfr]http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o260 ... hegame.jpg[/img:1mn3xxfr]
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Alaric Darkrose
- Regular
- Posts: 269
- Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2008 6:26 pm
- Location: Hiding on Istvaan IV
Sorry about the all caps, but that was how I received it, and I'm too lazy to fix it.
DIVORCE LETTER
DEAR WIFE:
I'M WRITING YOU THIS LETTER TO TELL YOU THAT I'M LEAVING YOU FOREVER.
I'VE BEEN A GOOD MAN TO YOU FOR SEVEN YEARS AND I HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT. THESE LAST TWO WEEKS HAVE BEEN HELL. YOUR BOSS CALLED TO TELL ME THAT YOU QUIT YOUR JOB TODAY AND THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW. LAST WEEK, YOU CAME HOME AND DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT I HAD A NEW HAIRCUT, HAD COOKED YOUR FAVORITE MEAL AND EVEN WORE A BRAND NEW PAIR OF SILK BOXERS. YOU ATE IN TWO MINUTES, AND WENT STRAIGHT TO SLEEP AFTER WATCHING ALL OF YOUR SOAPS. YOU DON'T TELL ME YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE; YOU DON'T WANT SEX OR ANYTHING THAT CONNECTS US AS HUSBAND AND WIFE. EITHER YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME OR YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE; WHATEVER THE CASE, I'M GONE.
YOUR EX-HUSBAND
P.S. DON'T TRY TO FIND ME. YOUR SISTER AND I ARE MOVING AWAY TO WEST
VIRGINIA TOGETHER! HAVE A GREAT LIFE!
DEAR EX-HUSBAND -
NOTHING HAS MADE MY DAY MORE THAN RECEIVING YOUR LETTER. IT'S TRUE THAT YOU AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR SEVEN YEARS, ALTHOUGH A GOOD MAN IS A FAR CRY FROM WHAT YOU'VE BEEN. I WATCH MY SOAPS SO MUCH BECAUSE THEY DROWN OUT YOUR CONSTANT WHINING AND GRIPING. TOO BAD THAT DOESN'T WORK. I DID NOTICE WHEN YOU GOT A HAIR CUT LAST WEEK, BUT THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MIND WAS 'YOU LOOK JUST LIKE A GIRL!' SINCE MY MOTHER RAISED ME NOT TO SAY ANYTHING IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE, I DIDN'T COMMENT . AND WHEN YOU COOKED MY FAVORITE MEAL, YOU MUST HAVE GOTTEN ME CONFUSED WITH MY SISTER, BECAUSE I STOPPED EATING PORK SEVEN YEARS AGO. ABOUT THOSE NEW SILK BOXERS: I TURNED AWAY FROM YOU BECAUSE THE $49.99 PRICE TAG WAS STILL ON THEM, AND I PRAYED THAT IT WAS A COINCIDENCE THAT MY SISTER HAD JUST BORROWED FIFTY DOLLARS FROM ME THAT MORNING. AFTER ALL OF THIS, I STILL LOVED YOU AND FELT THAT WE COULD WORK IT OUT. SO WHEN I HIT THE LOTTO FOR TEN MILLION DOLLARS, I QUIT MY JOB AND BOUGHT US TWO TICKETS TO JAMAICA . BUT WHEN I GOT HOME YOU WERE GONE. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, I GUESS. I HOPE YOU HAVE THE FULFILLING LIFE YOU ALWAYS WANTED. MY LAWYER SAID THAT THE LETTER YOU WROTE ENSURES YOU WON'T GET A DIME FROM ME. SO TAKE CARE.
SIGNED,
YOUR EX-WIFE, RICH AND FREE!
P.S. I DON'T KNOW IF I EVER TOLD YOU THIS, BUT MY SISTER CARLA WAS BORN
CARL. I HOPE THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
DIVORCE LETTER
DEAR WIFE:
I'M WRITING YOU THIS LETTER TO TELL YOU THAT I'M LEAVING YOU FOREVER.
I'VE BEEN A GOOD MAN TO YOU FOR SEVEN YEARS AND I HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT. THESE LAST TWO WEEKS HAVE BEEN HELL. YOUR BOSS CALLED TO TELL ME THAT YOU QUIT YOUR JOB TODAY AND THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW. LAST WEEK, YOU CAME HOME AND DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT I HAD A NEW HAIRCUT, HAD COOKED YOUR FAVORITE MEAL AND EVEN WORE A BRAND NEW PAIR OF SILK BOXERS. YOU ATE IN TWO MINUTES, AND WENT STRAIGHT TO SLEEP AFTER WATCHING ALL OF YOUR SOAPS. YOU DON'T TELL ME YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE; YOU DON'T WANT SEX OR ANYTHING THAT CONNECTS US AS HUSBAND AND WIFE. EITHER YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME OR YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE; WHATEVER THE CASE, I'M GONE.
YOUR EX-HUSBAND
P.S. DON'T TRY TO FIND ME. YOUR SISTER AND I ARE MOVING AWAY TO WEST
VIRGINIA TOGETHER! HAVE A GREAT LIFE!
DEAR EX-HUSBAND -
NOTHING HAS MADE MY DAY MORE THAN RECEIVING YOUR LETTER. IT'S TRUE THAT YOU AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR SEVEN YEARS, ALTHOUGH A GOOD MAN IS A FAR CRY FROM WHAT YOU'VE BEEN. I WATCH MY SOAPS SO MUCH BECAUSE THEY DROWN OUT YOUR CONSTANT WHINING AND GRIPING. TOO BAD THAT DOESN'T WORK. I DID NOTICE WHEN YOU GOT A HAIR CUT LAST WEEK, BUT THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MIND WAS 'YOU LOOK JUST LIKE A GIRL!' SINCE MY MOTHER RAISED ME NOT TO SAY ANYTHING IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE, I DIDN'T COMMENT . AND WHEN YOU COOKED MY FAVORITE MEAL, YOU MUST HAVE GOTTEN ME CONFUSED WITH MY SISTER, BECAUSE I STOPPED EATING PORK SEVEN YEARS AGO. ABOUT THOSE NEW SILK BOXERS: I TURNED AWAY FROM YOU BECAUSE THE $49.99 PRICE TAG WAS STILL ON THEM, AND I PRAYED THAT IT WAS A COINCIDENCE THAT MY SISTER HAD JUST BORROWED FIFTY DOLLARS FROM ME THAT MORNING. AFTER ALL OF THIS, I STILL LOVED YOU AND FELT THAT WE COULD WORK IT OUT. SO WHEN I HIT THE LOTTO FOR TEN MILLION DOLLARS, I QUIT MY JOB AND BOUGHT US TWO TICKETS TO JAMAICA . BUT WHEN I GOT HOME YOU WERE GONE. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, I GUESS. I HOPE YOU HAVE THE FULFILLING LIFE YOU ALWAYS WANTED. MY LAWYER SAID THAT THE LETTER YOU WROTE ENSURES YOU WON'T GET A DIME FROM ME. SO TAKE CARE.
SIGNED,
YOUR EX-WIFE, RICH AND FREE!
P.S. I DON'T KNOW IF I EVER TOLD YOU THIS, BUT MY SISTER CARLA WAS BORN
CARL. I HOPE THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
"There are those who think, and those who dream. I, for one, refuse to choose between the two." -Liriel Baenre.
OMFG!
[img:2cabl9a7]http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o260 ... 00x500.jpg[/img:2cabl9a7]
[img:2cabl9a7]http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o260 ... 00x500.jpg[/img:2cabl9a7]
[img:2cabl9a7]http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o260 ... 00x500.jpg[/img:2cabl9a7]
[img:2cabl9a7]http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o260 ... 00x500.jpg[/img:2cabl9a7]
[img:2cabl9a7]http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o260 ... 00x500.jpg[/img:2cabl9a7]
[img:2cabl9a7]http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o260 ... 00x500.jpg[/img:2cabl9a7]
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Arya Baenre
- Resident
- Posts: 538
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 12:57 am
- Contact:
There were two nuns..
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) , and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) .
It was getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical .
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL : The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL : The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM : And?
SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) , and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) .
It was getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical .
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL : The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM : Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL : The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM : And?
SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
<--- is NOT a request.-
Shir'le E. Illios
- High Priestess
- Posts: 2352
- Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2006 9:51 pm
- Location: Eilistraee.com
- Contact:
[quote="Arya Baenre":3qql9843]SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.[/quote:3qql9843]
[i:3qql9843]<nods>[/i:3qql9843] Quite logical.
Love -x-x-x-
Shir'le
[i:3qql9843]<nods>[/i:3qql9843] Quite logical.
Love -x-x-x-
Shir'le
-= Shir'le E. Illios =-
Chosen of Eilistraee
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Alaric Darkrose
- Regular
- Posts: 269
- Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2008 6:26 pm
- Location: Hiding on Istvaan IV
Six Classic Affairs
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoeso utside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home."Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the morticiancommented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home "I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied, " now just rest and let the poison work."
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoeso utside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home."Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the morticiancommented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home "I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied, " now just rest and let the poison work."
"There are those who think, and those who dream. I, for one, refuse to choose between the two." -Liriel Baenre.