Eilistraee.com

so how can i fix it up? any kinda comments, ideas, criticism, ect welcome on Zarae's story.

It's pretty good so far, a few minor errors in grammar or spelling, but that can always be polished later. I like the characters, they are interesting, and Zarae and her brother seem lively.

I do have one small critique, though. Some of the dialogue and scenes almost seem to have been taken partly from the Drizzt books, or some possibly from the Liriel Baenre books. You might want to steer away from that a bit, perhaps rework those parts so they are not quite so derivative. Aside from that, it is quite good!

yeah i figured it did, i have read them before, so it may a bit influenced. working on those areas. the early yrs are hard for me b/c of lack of knowledge/info.

Well, there's plenty of material here and on Candlekeep for inspiration, lol! When I started mine, I just took the little bits of lore I liked and built off of those. Sometimes its better to just totally ignore most of the stuff already written and out your own little twist on the races. Like having a different kind of city, like Sshamath as opposed to one like Menzo. (My main drow city is like a split between the two, except with pirates rather than wizards.)

You could also look up some of the archives on the Wizards site or the Green Ronin book Plot and Poison or Mongoose's Guide to the Drow book- they've got plenty of good stuff to use! (My advice, though, when using Wizards stuff, hunt down 2nd ed material if possible. And stay AWAY from 4th ed!!)

As for fight scenes, those are always hard to do. The thing to remember is that you want to show the characters acting naturally, and keep the pace quick and interesting. A play-by-play isn't usually necessary. As long as you can get the point across, it's all good. I've learned a lot from reading/writing comic book stories (sadly, none published yet) about pacing and visualizing. Try picture it as if you were writing a scene for a movie- it helps!

thanks! im editing parts right now, fixing those similar areas. to get away from that.
its ironic tho, my characters is sorta mix tween liriel and jaraxle. well, thats what inspired me anyway. she's got different traits tho...such as she likes fire a bit too much...

You're welcome! (sorry it took so long to respond, I've been busy with mine.) Likes fire too much? Hmm, sounds like a certain gnome alchemist/pyromancer I run.... He's a clumsy pyromaniac- recipe for disaster....

Been enjoying the story a lot. Excellent thoroughness on describing events. Also, Zarae, If you have any male NPC's within House Helvighym, let me; I'd be willing to take on the role of one.

[quote="veraka":aqqtsi0v]Been enjoying the story a lot. Excellent thoroughness on describing events. Also, Zarae, If you have any male NPC's within House Helvighym, let me; I'd be willing to take on the role of one.[/quote:aqqtsi0v]

works for me. Im not all to familar with cleric so they will be hard to do. i always play a rogue shadowdancer or shapeshifter druid.

he hasnt been met yet in story or RP, but Zarae will meet a male elf her age, Tahllian (possible wild elf), who becomes her 2nd real humaniod friend. which goes bad for her because of the 'blessing/curse'. i got most his background idea- a rescued slave child brung to the rebel house till he's older. his surface family was all killed so he has no one to return to.

Sounds good just let me know when he's gonna come in.
Also, if he's a cleric that's even better, I'm familiar with their class.
Just give me a little more info behind him.

i wish i could delete this, but alas i cant. so i have a question, i dont know where to look.

in describing the beginning of learning of magic (both clerical and wizardly) how would one imagine that?

like, would you read materials, then began to watch before doing it and practicing?

how would that work for clerical magic?

hope the questions make since

Delete should not be a problem of your our posts.. If however you want one deleted I am green for a reason.

As to your question. Schools of magic teaching will vary.

A Wizard taught to read magic and taught how to cast simple spells, often an apprentice that and older (more skilled) Wi9zard willing to train - often for fee or by superior order.

Clerics, taught religion and how to pray for magical aid. No fee but the younger needs to stay faithful to deity.

thanks.
lets say for the sake of an RP or something, how would one write that process of someone just learning to be a priest(ess)? and/or a wizard?

i understand clerical spells come from who they follow and if in good standing,
but do you have to learn how to read it, or learn how to form the gestures and speak the words also? do you just practice or 'poof' it works if in good favor?
do clerical spells need components?

i guess im asking, how one would describe (in story form) a person just about to take cleric as a class (for lack of better way of saying it).

Zarae Always hard to set rules for individual game.

A idea, that might be considered is the Disney Movie about Merlin. A cartoon version. A young Aurthur read a spell book and caused a bucket parade. He did not want to do it the normal way *G* A wizard goes to school, Harry Potter goes to school - Oh might be out now - have not read the last few books .

Somebody needs to be willing to teach and somebody needs to want and be capable of learning. At the start taught to read magic, shown some simple spells, then told to practice. Oh some chores would be required. Some very mundane like washing dishes or cooking food.

To become a Cleric one might write it something like this.

*The sound of music draws the ears of young Lorolea. The sound interesting so walks closer to the sounds. Sees a few playing flute and horn, others unclothed in a clearing lite only by moor light. A feeling compels her to walk forward taking of her clothing. Thinks to herself I belong her and joins the dance.

After the dance ends one of the Dark Ladies walks over to you and sits beside you as you rest from the Dancing.* The Dark Maiden must have called you to join us this night. Would you want to know about her wonder and vision?"

Saying Yes leads to training, saying No clearly not the way to learn. As with the Wizard, steps are made, evesong, being in the hunt, as a Cleric your spells are given to you that you choose to pray for. The only time a deity will not grant a spell would be if deemed not faithful.

I'd agree that learning wizardry is basically about studying spells and then watching a mentor use them, before practicing. Divine magic is not much different. One still has to learn the spells that are granted by the deity, but as long as one is in good standing with the god/dess and has a holy symbol to act as a divine focus, he/she should have no problem casting spells.

I will add, however, a slight correction to Bhaern's post: that was actually TWO Disney movies you were referring to- one being the Sorcerer's Apprentice part of Fantasia, the other being The Sword in the Stone. Sorcerer's apprentice had nothing to do with Merlin per se, though it could have been him. It was Mickey the apprentice who accidentally created the army of mops and buckets, with an homage to the scene in the live action version of the story with Nicholas Cage from 2010. The young Arthur from Sword in the Stone was turned into various animals by Merlin. Just an FYI.

i woulda thought the mickey mouse was fantasia movie.