How to tell if your GM is unfair.

Xion · Post by **Xion** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 9:44 pm

The following is a simple test for a GM to see is he is indeed unfair. As a GM, if you have heard one or more of the following quotes from your players there is a chance that you have been slightly unreasonable:

“Until now, I didn’t think arch-devils traveled in groups”.

“I missed with a natural 20?”

“I didn’t think anything did 40-400 points of damage”.

“We should have become farmers”.

“I didn’t even know Zeus was mad at me”.

“He has a magic resistance of what?”

“You say we were completely surprised by a fifty-foot dinosaur hiding in that empty field”.

“The thief stole my fighter’s armor while he was wearing it?”

“Armed with only a silver belt buckle, my hero is surrounded by hordes of werewolves…”

“Well, you’re right that Vulcan vampires do have their hearts in a different location”.

“Each of the kobolds has a wand of Orcus?”

“So, this troll seems to be regenerating our fire damage”.

“Fighters can’t use edged weapons?”

“I never heard of a sword of party member slaying”.

“Since when is Gruumsh* a wandering monster?”

“You don’t use saving throws?”

“Thanks. I always thought having two arms wasn’t challenging enough”.

“But the A-bomb hasn’t been invented yet!”

“No, seriously, how much damage did I take?”

“A pack of tarrasques?”

“Come on, in a first-level dungeon? It has to be a gas spore”.

“That’s one tough kobold”.

“Tinker gnomes invented Uzis?” (Yep they did. This one I HAVE heard. and anyone can get an Uzi from them. Problem is, Tinker Gnome Tech randomly explodes about 50% of the time...So yea if you want to get your Charrie and Uzi go ahead. -Grins Evilly and Laughs Maniacally-.)

“Exactly what is a ‘pantheon’, and why is it mad at me?”

“Just how many 30th-level evil wizards are there in this village?”

“I never knew Tiamat had so many twin sisters”.

“That’s its forty-third attack. Can we draw our swords now?”

“How did BattleMechs get into this dungeon?” (this I have also heard, I blame the Tinker Gnomes)

“Our group decides not to go to the Castle of Ultimate Pain, but instead back into town”.

“So you’re saying if you cut off their eyes, they grow into little beholders”.

“’Spontaneous decompression’ is a spell?”

“That’s okay, the spikes broke his fall”.

“Do you think we could use store-bought modules from now on?”

“But I’m already dead!”

“He hits and – I’m going to need some more dice”.** (This is possibly my favorite line to get to say as a DM. It happens when someone is stupid enough to attack one of the Character's who is NOT sposed to be a Combative. Like the Rulers in Szithla, they are here to guide you guys on quests, not intimidate you. They were written up to give you guys an Idea as to how badass they are and in case Ruler on Ruler battles happen, or someone is foolish enough to cause them to kick your lily white ass by like I dunno...Attacking one of them....)

** Thanks to Scott Haley (Seattle, WA) for this authentic quote from his DM, made while rolling an attack against the party.

Unen_Stealthfoot · Post by **Unen_Stealthfoot** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 11:35 pm

[color=indigo:1qmep5a8]ROTFLOL! That was great.....'Since when is Gruumsh a wandering monster'....great...

[/color:1qmep5a8]

Delvaro · Post by **Delvaro** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 8:19 am

XD xD XD this is great!!

Post by **Shir'le E. Illios** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 9:57 am

“We should have become farmers”.

I actually think that's not all that uncommon for adventurers to think, even if they don't always say it out loud.

Love -x-x-x-

Shir'le

Delvaro · Post by **Delvaro** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 10:14 am

Hehe.. makes sense!

Argoth · Post by **Argoth** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 12:44 pm

“That’s its forty-third attack. Can we draw our swords now?”

Great. Sweet. Sweet. I love those quotes.

Unen_Stealthfoot · Post by **Unen_Stealthfoot** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 6:06 pm

“No, seriously, how much damage did I take?”

[color=indigo:oqgv22za]“No, seriously, what spell was triggered?"
....I said this one to my DM when he hit my lvl4 Avariel fighter with a triggered Wail of the Banshee.[/color:oqgv22za]

Argoth · Post by **Argoth** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 7:14 pm

Yeah...

"A WHAT DRAGON? AT LVL 4 PARTY?"

Or:

"So you're saying we've been in this dungeon for how many months? O, no food right? Well that comlicates things a bit..."
That's me as a DM.

Unen_Stealthfoot · Post by **Unen_Stealthfoot** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 7:20 pm

[color=indigo:27nvym8w]What kind of dragon was it?[/color:27nvym8w]