Twenty Things I Learned at Melee-Magthere
Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 6:47 am
i found this, dont remember who wrote it. thought it was funny
Twenty Things I Learned at Melee-Magthere
- compiled by Jarlaxle of Bregan D’aerthe
1. All the monsters you heard stories about do exist.
2. Betting pools on who will depose the current Matron are only fun if she never finds out.
3. Don’t talk to the little voices; they’re spies for the teachers.
4. The new words you learn actually make the priestesses very angry when used to describe them.
5. You can kill goblins. You can kill elves. You can even kill other drow. But woe to you if you step on a spider!
6. Putting worms in an unpopular teacher’s underwear isn’t just mean, it earns you extra credit from his rival teachers!
7. Pay attention to your weird dreams – there is a slim chance that they really did happen.
8. ‘Color’ is not a commonly accepted concept among drow.
9. ‘Dead’ enemies do not always stay dead. But they do stay enemies.
10. There are some things money can’t buy; intelligence is one of these. Good looks is another.
11. Beware of rabid lizards; enough said.
12. Baby rust monsters should never be kept in the same drawer as one’s valuables.
13. Never drink anything you find in a wizard’s lab.
14. Nobody likes people smarter than they are. Unless said genius is winning a fight for them.
15. Laughing must be done privately, lest the gloom of the Underdark be disturbed.
16. Friends are people who will stab you in the front; pay them off before they can do this.
17. There are no ‘failed students’ in Melee-Magthere, only drider food.
18. Nobody really knows what’s in the food. They also don’t know what happens to injured kobolds. But they do get very angry if you ask.
19. When someone interrupts your melodious singing to ask if you know what time it is, they typically don’t want an answer.
20. Shiny things come to those who outsmart authority figures!
Twenty Things I Learned at Melee-Magthere
- compiled by Jarlaxle of Bregan D’aerthe
1. All the monsters you heard stories about do exist.
2. Betting pools on who will depose the current Matron are only fun if she never finds out.
3. Don’t talk to the little voices; they’re spies for the teachers.
4. The new words you learn actually make the priestesses very angry when used to describe them.
5. You can kill goblins. You can kill elves. You can even kill other drow. But woe to you if you step on a spider!
6. Putting worms in an unpopular teacher’s underwear isn’t just mean, it earns you extra credit from his rival teachers!
7. Pay attention to your weird dreams – there is a slim chance that they really did happen.
8. ‘Color’ is not a commonly accepted concept among drow.
9. ‘Dead’ enemies do not always stay dead. But they do stay enemies.
10. There are some things money can’t buy; intelligence is one of these. Good looks is another.
11. Beware of rabid lizards; enough said.
12. Baby rust monsters should never be kept in the same drawer as one’s valuables.
13. Never drink anything you find in a wizard’s lab.
14. Nobody likes people smarter than they are. Unless said genius is winning a fight for them.
15. Laughing must be done privately, lest the gloom of the Underdark be disturbed.
16. Friends are people who will stab you in the front; pay them off before they can do this.
17. There are no ‘failed students’ in Melee-Magthere, only drider food.
18. Nobody really knows what’s in the food. They also don’t know what happens to injured kobolds. But they do get very angry if you ask.
19. When someone interrupts your melodious singing to ask if you know what time it is, they typically don’t want an answer.
20. Shiny things come to those who outsmart authority figures!
