Real Men, Real Roleplayers, Loonies and Munchkins

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Talwyn Aureliano
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Real Men, Real Roleplayers, Loonies and Munchkins

Post by Talwyn Aureliano »

[b:1lj9ax2q]The Real Man:[/b:1lj9ax2q]
The tough macho type who walks up to the attacking dragon and tells him to leave before he gets hurt.

[b:1lj9ax2q]The Real Roleplayer: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
The intelligent cunning guy who tricks the constable into letting you all out of prison.

[b:1lj9ax2q]The Loonie: [/b:1lj9ax2q]The guy who will do anything for a cheap laugh, including casting a fireball at ground zero.

[b:1lj9ax2q]The Munchkin [/b:1lj9ax2q]
munchkin:
/muhnch'kin/ [from the squeaky-voiced little people in L. Frank Baum's "The Wizard of Oz"] n. A teenage-or-younger micro enthusiast hacking BASIC or something else equally constricted. A term of mild derision --- munchkins are annoying but some grow up to be hackers after passing through a {larval stage}. The term {urchin} is also used. See also {wannabee}, {bitty box}.


Need we say more?

[b:1lj9ax2q]Player Relationships [/b:1lj9ax2q][/size:1lj9ax2q]

[b:1lj9ax2q]Real Men: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men think they're brothers in arms.
Real Roleplayers hide behind them.
Loonies harass them with stupid suggestions.
Munchkins say "I'm a Real Man, too!"

[b:1lj9ax2q]Real Roleplayers: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men protect them, on the off chance they may come up with something useful.
Real Roleplayers sigh with relief to know they're not alone, and then get their characters involved in love affairs and death feuds.
Loonies harass them with stupid suggestions.
Munchkins squeak up and say "I'm a Real Roleplayer, too!"

[b:1lj9ax2q]Loonies: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men ignore them.
Real Roleplayers sometimes harass them back by taking a stupid suggestion and making it work.
Loonies declare a pie fight at 20 paces ... and cheat.
Munchkins try to imitate the jokes, and fall flat.

[b:1lj9ax2q]Munchkins: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men attack them on sight.
Real Roleplayers trick them into being cannon fodder.
Loonies make reasonable-sounding suggestions that will get the Munchkin killed in an amusing way.
Munchkins query, "What's a Munchkin?"



[b:1lj9ax2q]On Playing Styles[/size:1lj9ax2q][/b:1lj9ax2q]

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Dungeon Activity: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men fight Red Dragons
Real Roleplayers bluff the Ogres
Loonies tell dirty jokes to Green Slime
Munchkins do whatever gives the most experience/rip each other off

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Melee Weapon: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men use Broadswords/Bastard Swords/Pole Axes
Real Roleplayers use Rapiers and Main-Gauches
Loonies use Stage Knives
Munchkins use whatever gives the most plusses

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Thrown Weapon: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men throw Spears/Javelins
Real Roleplayers throw Bolas
Loonies throw their friends' magic items
Munchkins throw whatever gives the most plusses

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Missile Weapon: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men shoot Long Bows/Composite Bows
Real Roleplayers shoot Crossbows
Loonies shoot Catapults loaded with offal
Munchkins shoot whatever gives the most plusses

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Improvised Weapon in Barroom Brawl: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men use bare hands/tables
Real Roleplayers use chairs, chair legs or pokers
Loonies use plastic Pepsi bottles or toothpaste
Munchkins use, you guessed it, whatever gives the most plusses

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Improvised Thrown Weapons: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men throw Munchkins (can you blame them?)
Real Roleplayers throw beer mugs, pool balls and rocks
Loonies throw Nerf frisbees
Munchkins are too busy running from the Real Men/Whatever gives the most plusses

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite AD&D Spell: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men cast Fireballs
Real Roleplayers cast Find the Path
Loonies cast Otto's Irresistible Nose-Picking
Munchkins cast Smite Ruler and Transfer Loyalty of Populace

[b:1lj9ax2q]AD&D Spell that Will Really Piss Them Off [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men hate Mirror Image
Real Roleplayers are horrified by Trap the Soul
Loonies can't stand Protection From Cantrips
Munchkins hate Anti-Magic Shell

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite RQ3 Spirit Spell: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men cast Bladesharp 10 on their swords
Real Roleplayers cast Demoralize on their foes
Loonies cast Befuddle on their friends
Munchkins cast Fireball

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite RQ3 Sorcery Spell: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men cast Dominate Human on others
Real Roleplayers cast Damage Resistance on their familiars/themselves
Loonies cast Dominate Human on themselves
Munchkins cast Meteor Swarm

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite RQ3 Divine Spell: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men cast Berserker on themselves
Real Roleplayers cast Heal Body
Loonies cast Face Chaos on the Crimson Bat
Munchkins cast Timestop

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite GURPS Magic Spell: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men don't use magic, but they'll let the mage cast Hawk Flight on them so they can pursue the foe
Real Roleplayers cast Lend Language on the strangers they meet
Loonies cast Mystic Mist in the town square
Munchkins cast Enslave on the city guard

[b:1lj9ax2q]Researched Spells [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men research Ambidextrousness Spell
Real Roleplayers research a Wisdom Spell that works with spells
Loonies research Blind Wizard Eye Spell
Munchkins research Control GM Spell

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite AD&D Psionic Ability: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men use Body Weaponry
Real Roleplayers use Shape Alteration
Loonies use Sea Anemone Hypnosis
Munchkins use Assume Godhood

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Alignment:[/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men are Lawful Good
Real Roleplayers don't use alignment
Loonies are Amoral Silly
Munchkins are whatever gives the most plusses

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Religious-type Character: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
[u:1lj9ax2q]Real Men play Paladins [/u:1lj9ax2q] :p
Real Roleplayers play Clerics
Loonies play street preachers
Munchkins play Demigods

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Non-Human PC: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men play Dwarfs
Real Roleplayers play Morokanths
Loonies play a Dwarf-Elf halfbreed
Munchkins play whatever gives the most plusses/Demi-gods

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Undead to Summon: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men summon Ghosts
Real Roleplayers summon Wraiths
Loonies send in an AD&D troll wearing a sheet
Munchkins summon Cerberus

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Way of Extracting Information from the Goblins: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men torture them
Real Roleplayers cast Legend Lore/Telepathy/Mind Read
Loonies tell puns to them
Munchkins peek behind the GM's shield

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Demon/Devil: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men like Asmodeus
Real Roleplayers like Cacodemon
Loonies like Spiro Agnew
Munchkins like Satan's grandfather

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite God: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men worship Humakt/Orlanth
Real Roleplayers worship Issaries/Lhankor Mhy
Loonies worship Hare Krishna
Munchkins worship whoever gives the most plusses

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Miscellaneous Magic Item: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men love Adamantine Claws
Real Roleplayers love Repulsor Rays
Loonies love Radioactive Teeth/+3 Kleenex
Munchkins love Uru's Hammer

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Potion: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men drink potions of Superheroism
Real Roleplayers drink potions of Animal/Plant Control
Loonies drink potions of Jell-O
Munchkins drink potions of Deity Control

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Ring: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men wear rings of Elemental Control
Real Roleplayers wear rings of Free Action
Loonies wear rings of Smurf Control
Munchkins wear rings of Infinite Wishes/the One Ring

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Stick (Rod/Staff/Wand): [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men wield staves of Striking
Real Roleplayers wield wands of Healing
Loonies wield rods of styrofoam
Munchkins wield staves of Deity Power

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Armor: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men wear Plate Mail
Real Roleplayers wear Elven Chainmail
Loonies wear Horse Barding
Munchkins wear powered armor a la Starship Troopers

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Helm: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men wear a Helm of Brilliance
Real Roleplayers wear a Helm of Telepathy
Loonies wear a Helm of Blindness (``Works great against medusas'')
Munchkins wear a Helm of 360-Degree Vision with Force Field

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Shield: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men don't use shields (can't wield a two-handed weapon)
Real Roleplayers use a Kite Shield
Loonies use a panty shield
Munchkins don't get the previous joke/use a Shield of Automatic Parry

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Glove/Gauntlet: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men fight bare-handed
Real Roleplayers wear Gloves of Dexterity
Loonies wear THE Glove of Michael Jackson Charisma
Munchkins wear Gauntlets of Infinite Ring-Wearing

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Footwear: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men wear Seven League Boots
Real Roleplayers wear Boots of Stealth
Loonies wear house slippers
Munchkins wear Boots of Infinite Speed

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Mount: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men ride heavy war horses
Real Roleplayers ride palfreys
Loonies ride sheep
Munchkins ride heavy war tyrannosauri

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite NPC: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men like Tarl Cabot
Real Roleplayers like Medea
Loonies like Doctor Who
Munchkins like Darth Vader/Teela Brown

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Animal to use as a Familiar: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men have Black Cats
Real Roleplayers have Owls
Loonies have Slugs
Munchkins have whatever gives the most plusses/Ancient Red Dragons

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Kind of Elf: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men like Drow elves
Real Roleplayers like Tolkien's elves
Loonies like Santa's elves
Munchkins like Storm Giants with pointed ears

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Kind of Dwarf: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men like Tolkien's Dwarfs
Real Roleplayers like Glorantha's Dwarfs
Loonies like the Seven Dwarfs
Munchkins like Earth Elementals with beards

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Food to take on Expeditions: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men bring along burgers, fries, milkshakes, and pizza
Real Roleplayers bring along iron rations
Loonies bring along Froot Loops/aluminum rations
Munchkins bring along whatever gives the most plusses

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Fantasy Author: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men read J.R.R. Tolkien ``Lord of the Rings''
Real Roleplayers read Robert Asprin's ``Thieves' World'' series
Loonies read Robert Asprin's ``Myth'' series
Munchkins read E. Gary Gygax

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite AD&D monsters to fight: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men fight giants or Rakshasas
Real Roleplayers fight Mind-flayers or vampires
Loonies fight Giant Frogs, Pixies or treants
Munchkins fight ancient dragons and a tarrasque... simultaneously

[b:1lj9ax2q]When they encounter a sleeping dragon: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men wake it up and THEN attack it.
Real Roleplayers sneak away quietly.
Loonies tie its shoelaces together.
Munchkins have their 34th-level thief backstab it with their +17 Sword of Slay Anything, and then put all its treasure in one backpack and run away.

[b:1lj9ax2q]What to do when confronted by a greater demon: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men attack; what the hell, no guts, no glory.
Real Roleplayers leave the character who invoked the greater demon to deal with it.
Loonies say, "Say the secret word and the duck will give you $100."
Munchkins scream, "That's not fair! It's not in the Monster Manual!"

[b:1lj9ax2q]When faced by an army of 10,000 "1 hit die" beings: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men send in their 7th level barbarian...alone.
Real Roleplayers gather a lot of midrange-level mages and thieves, memorize a lot of Sleep, Stinking Cloud, Web, and Chaos spells, fly over the army, cast away, and let the thieves clean up. Then go do something not quite so cliche'.
Loonies find a bowl of popcorn, a tall cliff, and two dozen or so Horns of Valhalla; toot away; and enjoy the show.
Munchkins send in their 50th level paladin, 45th level ranger, and 38th level cleric/magic-user, memorize a lot of Chain Lightning spells, and attack from within a Cube of Force for the three rounds it would take.

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Town Activity: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men drink ale in the tavern and start bar fights.
Real Roleplayers drink wine in the tavern and talk to everyone.
Loonies order watermelon daquiris and start food fights.
Munchkins say ``What's a town?''

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Attack Style: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men Shout warcry, and wade into battle.
Real Roleplayers Parry and counterattack; protect comrade's backs.
Loonies Throw sword at opponent, then attack with scabbard and lunchbox.
Munchkins Leap in with secret 'twisted lotus' ninja decapitation strike.

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Way to Die: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men In battle, with boots on, going down swinging.
Real Roleplayers On deathbead, after lengthy dramatic farewell speech.
Loonies Laughing while jumping into a portable hole, and carrying a bag of holding.
Munchkins Die? You're kidding, right?

[b:1lj9ax2q]Residence: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men Wherever he hangs up his two-hander
Real Roleplayers Elsinor
Loonies Toontown
Munchkins Valhalla (after kicking out previous occupants)

[b:1lj9ax2q]Favorite Specialist Mages in AD&D: [/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men don't like magic, but if they have to play a mage, they'll be an invoker w/ lots of fireballs or a transmuter w/ strength and enlarge.
Real Roleplayers enchanter or illusionist
Loonies illusionist with ventriloquism, audible glamer, and spectral force, conjurer specializing in create banana peel spell, or a transmuter specializing in polymorph self into a random creature, plant, or object
Munchkins a multi-classed abjurer/conjurer/diviner/enchanter/illusionist/invoker/necromancer/transmuter

[b:1lj9ax2q]Dealing with a Dragon:[/b:1lj9ax2q]
Real Men Slay it. Preferably alone and with bare hands. (is this a trick question or what?)
Real Roleplayers Con it out of all its treasure, leaving the dragon (and the GM) thinking it got the better deal.
Loonies Summon the Sta-Puft marshmallow man.
Munchkins Kill it, make armor out of the hide, and then resurrect it as a familiar.


:p
In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill.

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Shir'le E. Illios
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Re: Real Men, Real Roleplayers, Loonies and Munchkins

Post by Shir'le E. Illios »

[quote="Talwyn Aureliano":190aiyyx]Real Roleplayers sigh with relief to know they're not alone, and then get their characters involved in love affairs and death feuds.[/quote:190aiyyx]
lol :lol:

[quote="Talwyn Aureliano":190aiyyx][b:190aiyyx]Favorite Religious-type Character: [/b:190aiyyx]
Real Men play Paladins
[u:190aiyyx]Real Roleplayers play Clerics[/u:190aiyyx]
Loonies play street preachers
Munchkins play Demigods[/quote:190aiyyx]
Fixed. :p


Love -x-x-x-

Shir'le
F'sarn natha tithaur wun l'su'aco.

-= Shir'le E. Illios =-
Chosen of Eilistraee
Talwyn Aureliano
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Post by Talwyn Aureliano »

HAHAHAHA!

Good one Shir'le ;) :p :))
In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill.

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DragonMind
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Post by DragonMind »

For the sake of a putting some real life content in this thread.

REAL MEN DON'T PLAY RPG,
THEY DRINK BEER ALL DAY, WHILE WATCHING SOCCER!


[Shir'le EDIT] Play nice now.
Talwyn Aureliano
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Post by Talwyn Aureliano »

[Shir'le EDIT] Play nice now.
In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Goodwill.

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DragonMind
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Post by DragonMind »

Eh... was nice... want me to be bad ass,
thus you can see the difference?
Argoth
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Post by Argoth »

Nice ones! Had a good laugh of these.
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