The Joke Thread

Arya Baenre · Post by **Arya Baenre** » Sat Dec 27, 2008 6:09 pm

Haha - that would suck - especially when you have a class right after that one too =P

Alaric Darkrose · Post by **Alaric Darkrose** » Tue Dec 30, 2008 11:21 pm

RIDDLE:

- Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
- Michael J. Fox has a small one.
- Madonna doesn't have one.
- The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
- Clinton uses his all the time.
- Bush is one
- Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
- Liberace never used his on women.
- Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
- Cher claims that she took on 3.
- We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

The answer is: "A Last Name."

Okay people, get your minds out of the gutter

Argoth · Post by **Argoth** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 1:22 pm

K, I won't start telling jokes. Two weeks ago I was on a BD party of a friend and we started telling jokes about dead infants in less then one hour... being totally drunk I might add.

Alaric Darkrose · Post by **Alaric Darkrose** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 3:26 pm

[quote="Argoth":3vtx17l5]K, I won't start telling jokes. Two weeks ago I was on a BD party of a friend and we started telling jokes about dead infants in less then one hour... being totally drunk I might add.[/quote:3vtx17l5]lol Your joke telling priviledges are temporarily revoked. j/k

Arya Baenre · Post by **Arya Baenre** » Thu Jan 01, 2009 6:11 pm

...

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more.
6. Drink. Drink some more.
7. Take up a new habit: smoking.
8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night.
9. Spend more time at work.
10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine.
11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
12. Quit giving money & time to charity.
14. Start being superstitious.
15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words. 17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.
18. Personal goal: bring back disco.

Alaric Darkrose · Post by **Alaric Darkrose** » Thu Jan 01, 2009 6:22 pm

So, in essence, they're the anti-resolutions?

Rhei Lor'akris · Post by **Rhei Lor'akris** » Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:12 am

'Just because everyone does it, doesn't mean you have to.'

Arya Baenre · Post by **Arya Baenre** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 3:50 am

[quote:14c0lucy]So, in essence, they're the anti-resolutions?[/quote:14c0lucy]

Possibly ... ?

Rhei Lor'akris · Post by **Rhei Lor'akris** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 6:51 am

[quote="Arya Baenre":2b3yp546]Possibly ... ?[/quote:2b3yp546]

Replace 'it' with any other word, or just be more dirty minded.

Argoth · Post by **Argoth** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 10:56 pm

Being more dirty minded is 'always' as solution.

Arya Baenre · Post by **Arya Baenre** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 4:45 pm

Woops o.o I forgot to quote Alaric for my other post ...

...

is all I'm saying ...

Narsia Ny'Dhun · Post by **Narsia Ny'Dhun** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 10:31 am

Talwyn Aureliano · Post by **Talwyn Aureliano** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 11:37 pm

Voting opens for world's oddest book title 2008[/size:24zuzh2d]

LONDON (AFP) — British industry magazine The Bookseller has announced this year's shortlist for the oddest book title of the year, with a typical mix of the quirky and eclectic.

Visitors to the magazine's website, http://www.thebookseller.com, can make their choice from six mostly non-fiction titles unearthed by publishers, bookstore workers and librarians from around the world.

The nominees for The Diagram Prize are:

-- "I Was Tortured by the Pygmy Love Queen" by Jasper McCutcheon;

-- "How to Write a How to Write Book" by Brian Paddock;

-- "Are Women Human? And Other International Dialogues" by Catharine A. MacKinnon;

-- "Cheese Problems Solved" by P.L.H McSweeney;

-- "If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs" by Big Boom;

-- "People who Mattered in Southend and Beyond: From King Canute to Doctor Feelgood" by Dee Gordon.

Horace Bent, The Bookseller's diarist, said on the magazine's website: "I confess: I have been anxious that as publishing becomes ever more corporate, the trade's quirky charms are being squeezed out.

"Lists are pruned, targets are set, authors are culled. But happily my fears have been proved unfounded: oddity lives on."

Last year's winner was "The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification", by Julian Montague.

The Diagram Prize has been running since 1978, when the winner was "Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice".

Rhei Lor'akris · Post by **Rhei Lor'akris** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 11:19 am

The panda bear eats shoots and leaves.

Arya Baenre · Post by **Arya Baenre** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 1:35 pm

[quote:btdwg1b5]The Diagram Prize has been running since 1978, when the winner was "Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice".[/quote:btdwg1b5]

I'd vote for that one even though it was years ago =D

[quote:btdwg1b5]The panda bear eats shoots and leaves[/quote:btdwg1b5]

... from a restaurant xP That's why Panda's are so cool