OOC comments for "A Love Everlasting"

When you want to ask out of character questions, discuss plots, talk about roleplaying or simply present your character’s bio, this is the place to do so. Small OOC bits may be accepted in the roleplaying forums, but this is the place for the larger posts. Do keep the topics related to the roleplaying however, otherwise go to the General Discussion forum.

Moderators: Shir'le E. Illios, Bhaern Quel

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Talwyn Aureliano
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OOC comments for "A Love Everlasting"

Post by Talwyn Aureliano » Tue Jun 30, 2009 11:46 pm

Ok, so far we have Bhaern chipping in on the story itself :eek: [a moderator should know better ;) :p ]

[quote="Bhaern Quel":29249dya]Comment:

Odds are on for a half years income, the farmer, wife and famliy would take up the hayloft, giving up their beds and home for a short time. Of course different characters clearly can choose the path described.

This was the biggest thing that caught my attention, though some of the other did not feel well as a proper flow.

Feeling of course indicates my current reaction, not that of anybody else ... and as far as it goes my feeling could change. [/quote:29249dya]

[quote="Talwyn Aureliano":29249dya]Thank you for your comment Bhaern. Yes the money was a large amount however Talwyn specifically requested the use of the hayshed. The reason being if they were given the house, there'd be a greater chance of Jhaelystra's identity being discovered. They only needed a place to sleep and a bath and paladins are notoriously generous when it comes to handing out money.

I am re-working this story right now and there will be changes made to the original posts. [/quote:29249dya]

[quote="Aylstra Illianniis":29249dya]I know you mentioned making comments in pm, but I thought I should add to the discussion. I think it works just fine as you wrote it, and makes sense. A paladin would not wish to put a family out of thier home, and the farmer would likely be so grateful for the pay that he wouldn't care what they did. At any rate, I doubt he'd be offended if he did offer it and they didn't accept.
Great story so far. I like this! [/quote:29249dya]
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Bhaern Quel
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Post by Bhaern Quel » Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:40 am

Young padwan, please remember I can clean up things.

Though I do admit error in not reading past comments welcomed, I missed you only want them in PM.

The thread is clear of all OOC, except your intro post, I debated doing a edit to point here (however that becomes a more involved issue).

I can delete the entire thread should you desire as well. For now I would suspect that the first draft might serve as notes still for second effort.

I still find it hard that most would allow a well paying guest to stay in the barn, but I do not know the charters involved. I can offer a few other reasons why a farmer would not want strangers sleeping in a barn.

Hay fire, a half year income does not replace a barn.

Strangers can upset animals, putting them off cycle though did not notice livestock.

All in all it is your story so indeed tell how you so desire.

Most of the time I review though threads that I am not actively involved in looking for items of possible concern. While my PM box was nearing full, you could have PMed me after my error (there was room there). I messed up.

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Talwyn Aureliano
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Post by Talwyn Aureliano » Wed Jul 01, 2009 1:06 am

No harm done Bhaern, I just wouldn't want the youngsters around here getting the wrong idea. Lead by example and all that ;)

You may as well remove the old thread, using your mighty and marvellous moderator powers :D I don't need it anymore to refer to.

I'm having trouble in understanding why you have the notion that a well paying guest, [u:3b5lltk4]who has specifically requested the hayshed[/u:3b5lltk4], would be expected to sleep in the homestead? Yes, Talwyn has paid more than adequate than necessary to stay for one night, and in the hayshed for that matter. Yet he is expected to offer more than necessary, as it is a form of charity. He can see that the farmer isn't a wealthy individual and since Talwyn is an adventuring paladin and often comes across large amounts of treasure, he is more than able to give out generously. In addition, a well paying customer usually gets what they request. You don't argue nor question a man who's offering you a small fortune in gold.

The hayshed is not where animals are kepts, that is the barn and Talwyn went across to that place with Grentham to heal the sick oxen.

A hayshed is for storing hay and nothing else. Yes fire might be a hazzard but that is a tiny risk and one that people would have been mindfull of. It's not as though they were going to start a camp fire inside the shed. Remember, magic can be used as a light
source ;) [continual light, faerie fire etc] and lanterns are also quite safe, unless knocked over.

I thank you for your observations however I won't be changing the story. Altering it and adding in detailed explainations as to why character X is do whtever it is they are doing slows down the narrative, is cumbersome and regarded as bad writing. Good story telling [as I have found and been taught] needs to be conscise, to flow and not get bogged down in minutiae. Keep things simple and brief as often as possible, saving lengthy exposition etc for important plot points or description or characterization.

Everyone has different writing styles and no way is the best. Also, people appreciate different things in writing and what you enjoy may be different to me and others.

My aim is to tell/write a believable, coherent and above all, good story. I think I'm achieving that ;)
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Aylstra Illianniis
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Post by Aylstra Illianniis » Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:19 pm

I'm with you all the way here, Talwyn. In the years I've been writing- which have been many, though never yet published- I have found that it is not neccessary to put in every detail, unless it is important to the story. As you pointed out, he did request the hayshed, and a farmer likely would not argue or take offence. He'd be happy to let them sleep there, since most people without guest rooms would have only offered up space in a barn, shed or such anyway to visitors. Laws of hospitality vary from place to place, but do not generally require a person to give up his own bed to a stranger. Usually all that is expected (and this is from my studies of customs from Roman times up to late Reneaissance) would be a blanket or two in the loft, and a share of the evening meal. Anything beyond that would be up to the owner's discretion or generosity.
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Thalon Mercrow
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Post by Thalon Mercrow » Sat Sep 12, 2009 3:27 am

good to see your continueing your story talwyn! i look forward to reaing it once more

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