Growing older and cynical

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Ogrim
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Growing older and cynical

Post by Ogrim »

Not sure if this really belongs here, but in the prospect of spreading joy, I felt this the best place to speak of this. As the topic says, I find in recent years I've been growing more cynical. More intolerant, and even bitter, towards certain types of people. I remember back to when I was just out of high school, yeah I was more naive then, but I was always able to see the silver lining in even the darkest clouds, no matter how bad things got, I could always see a bright side to it. I was always the optimist, and though I wasn't careless, I was more care-free.

Now I'm in my 30's, and I look at my attitude on most days, and my laughter comes more often from cynicism now, than true humor. Rather than see the universal good in all cultures, religions, people, I see their flaws, and the various proverbial skeletons that each of them hasn't done a good job of hiding in their proverbial closets. I was so much happier then, and more cynical and judgmental now. Is there no going back to the way I used to think and feel? Or is this the price one pays for growing older and losing their naivete?

Once I was a dreamer who believed he could do anything imaginable if I put a sincere effort to it. Now I'm just a dreamer, with a firm grip on 'reality' believing I will live a dull life, and all my dreams and greatest ideas, will go to my grave with me, many many years from now (or at least I certainly hope so), not a single one fulfilled. If it's possible to reclaim any of what I seem to have lost, I'd love to know how.
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Irennan
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Re: Growing older and cynical

Post by Irennan »

As I see it, cynicism is a natural consequence of how things go in the world. I'd talk about having a realistic vision of things rather than a cynic one, because -lets face it- life and people have no actual value in this world. It's not just how countless people die and suffer -often at the benefit of few- for no apparent reason like it was a normal thing, but the concept of life itself. It simply doesn't have a purpose, we didn't choose to live but were thrown in this world to suffer its pointlessness and enjoy what we can, for no reason at all. In my eyes life is juts a mechanism which iterates itself repeatedly for the sake of doing so, through the lives and deaths of the single individuals who -at the end of the day- are just the gears who make it spin, not important for their identity but for their simple existence: none is necessary and everyone can be replaced (what is needed is just [i:34w9s2qo]someone[/i:34w9s2qo], a generic life, not [i:34w9s2qo]me[/i:34w9s2qo], [i:34w9s2qo]you[/i:34w9s2qo] or whoever. For example, it wouldn't have mattered even to my parents if someone else was born instead of me). In this light what people accomplish or do (and so their culture, religions etc...) has a sort of 'inconsistency', because the existence itself has no purpose, and some cynicism is no big surprise considering this (but I guess -given my little experience of life- that I'm not really in the position to talk about this. So, just my 2c).

[i:34w9s2qo]However[/i:34w9s2qo], while some bitterness is just natural there are indeed things that should be appreciated. IMO it is not possible to return to 'naivete' once one realizes this, but there is indeed the possibility to still work towards personal goals or to make one's part, albeit -lets face it- generally very little, in the fulfilment of something wider, which is limited in the sense that I said above, but not when considered within the scope of life, giving it value. To be cynic to the point to not be able to emphasize the good things about people and actions means to have to deal only with the general pointlessness of basically everything, without anything to counterbalance it, and it is really consuming and somehow painful. I don't think there's something like a standard way to do this, so I can't really answer to your question, but I could give some examples which -even if probably obvious- could help to reduce the cynicism. The realization of a dream (as big as it could be) could be achieved (or at least attempted) by approaching it in small parts with the 'comforting' awareness that at least some steps are being moved towards it and that more will be moved; people could be considered and given value as -well- people and their action weighted and understood keeping in mind that their motivations are often similar to one's own (this is very difficult to do tho, and not few times people's action are just bad), instead of finding out the 'skeletons hidden in their closets'; helping someone who needs it (even through voluntary service, if time and will are available) could give relief not only to the person who received assistance, but also to the one providing it by showing that there are things worth of some effort.
I've personally found some kind of relief for my 'jaded' idea of the world (tbh, I don't really know why I feel like this, even tho I'm just 21) by keeping this in mind, so I hope that this can be of help, albeit likely minimal, for you as well.
Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things.
Aylstra Illianniis
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Re: Growing older and cynical

Post by Aylstra Illianniis »

This is my take: Ogrim, like you, I'm in my 30's, and have started to feel a bit the same. BUT!! There IS a silver lining even to this. There are some things I use to remind myself that ALL people matter, and that ALL dreams are possible, even those we think are out of reach. They are:

Would the world have been the same if not for the lives of Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Edison, or Beethoven? What about Joan of Arc, the Wright brothers, or Mother Theresa? People make the world what it is, and it is the decicion to change something that is not what we wish it to be. We simply have to CHOOSE to do something. And yes, each person is unique and important, because each person affects someone else's life in some way, however small. Think of how the lives of those around you might have been different without you in it. You might be surprised by what you discover!

Second- remember that Grandma Moses was in her 80's before becoming a painter whose art has become known all over the world. Likewise, Bill Gates never graduated high school. And look where HE is now. Albert Einstein was working in a patent office when he came up with the theory of relativity. And Thomas Edison failed 99 times for every successful invention. All these examples- and so many more, show that it IS possible to achieve one's dreams, even late in life, or when life itself seems dull, mundane, and pointless. There is meaning to life, it's just that each person has to find that meaning for themselves.....
By the Dark Maiden''s grace do we meet. May she guide and protect us.

"Where Science ends, Magic begins." -Spiral, Uncanny X-Men #491

A link to my tales, including my Marvel hero!:
http://mickeys-tavern.com/index.php?showforum=188
Ogrim
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Re: Growing older and cynical

Post by Ogrim »

Both good answers, though I admit, Irennan, yours was just a touch hard to follow. In all though, you've reminded me of some things, values, and beliefs that I had once held dearly close, and forgotten over time. Even though the connections are not always apparent, sometimes even though they are almost nonexistent, all people, animals, and thing in this world are connected. A great tapestry, in which every person is a thread, and every thread is necessary, lest the tapestry unravel. There will be people, I know, who at times, I will not be able to see the value in them. Like the guy who was right behind me on a road with a 40 mph speed limit, with his high-beams on, trying to make me go faster, by being a jerk. However, I must remember this belief of connections, and in this, I think I may fin my faith in humanity restored, and maybe even see some silver linings again.

On this high note, I offer the one insight I have noticed in my studies of many religions, in search of one, that held the most meaning for me. Almost all religions, past and present, still practiced and long abandoned, universally believe in some concept of 'Treat others the way you want to be treated'. This 'golden rule', being so widespread, even existing among religions whose founders never had any contact with the others' religions, in some cases, I think is proof that any war fought over religion, is in fact an unwitting service to whatever name you wish to give to evil.

By the way, I did find a religion, though no one to teach me much about it, that I found myself settling on, many of its principles rooted in my own views. I name 'evil', Ahriman, and hold dear the pursuit of knowledge and truth.
Aylstra Illianniis
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Re: Growing older and cynical

Post by Aylstra Illianniis »

Glad to hear it, Ogrim! And if you don't mind me asking, which one? I am Wiccan myself, so I can thoroughly relate to the search you mentioned. I was not rasied as one, but found it after moving out on my own and doing some soul-searching for the "meaning of life", so to speak. In fact it was the connections you mentioned that drew me to it, as like you, I recognized that all people, animals, etc in the world are woven together in the tapestry we call Life. It was that same pursuit of knowledge and truth that led me to do what you have. Good to see another person seeking truth, too!
By the Dark Maiden''s grace do we meet. May she guide and protect us.

"Where Science ends, Magic begins." -Spiral, Uncanny X-Men #491

A link to my tales, including my Marvel hero!:
http://mickeys-tavern.com/index.php?showforum=188
Bhaern Quel
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Re: Growing older and cynical

Post by Bhaern Quel »

I moved the topic to here. Two reasons was not Joy and was RL discussions being conducted.
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Alaric Darkrose
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Re: Growing older and cynical

Post by Alaric Darkrose »

To be honest, I feel myself being like this at times. That being said, I try to balance my cynicism with actively trying to find endeavors that bring joy to my life.
"There are those who think, and those who dream. I, for one, refuse to choose between the two." -Liriel Baenre.

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Pheurazath
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Re: Growing older and cynical

Post by Pheurazath »

Well pardon a nosy, nerdy agnostic, but I think Ogrim is a converted Zoroastrian. I mean, I dunno of any other religion that names its concept of evil as such. And it speaks well of it, that this was the religion practiced by the Magi Order. If any remnants of them can be found, there's your teachers right there Ogrim.

Though I admit, there's a lot of fakes out there claiming to be them, so finding them could be like trying to pull teeth from chickens.
Primary (Pheurazath AKA Kalkyril Ilindl)
Secondary (Virgil Stahne -- A repentant Warlock)
Other Secondary (Skrach -- A rogue, a rat, touched by the best)
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