Temper Temper

[Alak Xiltyn]

"Just forget I said anything." I said, I could feel my temper slipping like a rope through my hands. She'd kept up this cat and mouse game for far too long, she had said she wanted to be friends, friends talk, friends go out drinking and spend time togather. Friends don't cite every possible excuse to avoid one another, whenever I'd press her she'd dance around the question until I got flustered and gave up, this time around seemed no different.

"It's not you, it's me okay, I just don't want to see ANYONE right now." She blurted out before I could hang up the phone. Well that was new. "Not even friends?" I asked, the question was a trap, not two days before she had said she couldn't hang out because she got invited to a big party with some old friends. "Not even friends." I couldn't tell if she'd just forgotten, was to worried about hurting my feelings, or thought I was just plain stupid. For all I knew she enjoyed her little game, baiting me on.

The last bit of rope slipped out of my hands... it brought a slime to my face. "Oh REALLY? Then I guess I understand." I'd forgotten how hard it was to talk through a smile like that. "You... you do?" She stammered. Not exactly the responce she expected "Ofcourse, I mean sometimes when I'm feeling blue I go out to parties full of people who think they're my friends and parade around like everything is fine while the people who care about me are worried sick."

I'd always been told I was a master of cynicism and sarcasm and was often asked how I came up with the things I'd say, no one ever understood that it's not what you say, it's how you say it. "Tsk..tsk..." she hated when I did that. "Poor little kitty forgot she wasn't hunting a mouse didn't she?" Once upon a time she had heaped her odd compliments on me, most notably she had called me a wolf. "I... but... what?" her stammering wasn't a suprise, I'd played by the rules of her game for so long I'd nearly forgotten that there was a game being played.

"I was in love with you once... head over heels in love." words flew from my mouth as though of their own will. As I spoke the balance in my mind began to shift as part of me dove for the rope of my temper. "I thought you were the sort of woman I'd dreamed of since I was a child, smart, funny, assertive, not afraid to use me for my own good." And used me she had, though not for my own good. "but who the hell are you? Hiding behind excuses and lies, you're acting like... well... the way I did before I met you, before you forced me to stand up and take responsability for my life."

"You want to stay friends with me, then be my friend, other wise I'll just let you disappear from my life, the way you want me to." I flung my cell phone at the wall and regained control of my temper just intime to watch in horror as my phone shattered on the cinder blocks. A few hours of sobbing later I turned on my T.V. in time to catch the news...